There are so many things to me to unpack while I listened to your words, I don't even know where to start...but thank you so much, for being you and for everything...
So. Good. Boundaries are so unclear to so many people. I love the distinction that they are not meant to control something we are just uncomfortable with!
Thank you! Yes! It took me years of listening to people put barbed wire around other people’s behavior to realize that control is fragility disguised as safety!
I hold so many boundaries that I’ve never even voiced, as far as I’m concerned they’re for me, for my peace. I don’t feel the need for everyone else to explain my inner workings or maybe I will voice it once, not as a threat but as a statement.
We hold boundaries for US, so we know when to step away or stop doing something. People get a bit caught up in having to voice them and that’s where that ick feeling comes in but sometimes you get to just step away without a 2 page essay as to why, you get to choose and that’s the beauty of this crazy little thing called life 🧡
Yes! I feel like the over-explaining tendencies for my ADHD outwardly processing brain automatically would dive into feeling the need to justify why it needed to be a type of way for me for so long. Like making sure people knew my boundaries weren’t about them specifically.
Then I really started to recognize the emotional labor of this. So when I stopped, I noticed how people then expected the explanation and when I stopped doing that part too… people left. It was hard but the de-conditioning was the best thing for me in the end.
Oh absolutely. No, I can’t, I don’t want to — all whole sentences. I so get you and it’s not easy but on the other side of that, I respect it so much when people voice what they need. Even if I don’t fully love it, I always think.. yeah I really respect that you know who you are and you own that.
And you KNOW the ones who don’t take it well and don’t respect the boundaries, are always the ones who dined off you not having any 😏
EXACTLY. Then not to mention having to unpack the low-key resentment that came up from my realization that I was putting so much thoughtful effort into this dynamic and they couldn’t even be bothered to when it came down to it. Which, obviously, has to be looked at in the mirror because I have a huge role in how that all snowballed. No judgement, no shame, but damn it’s a doozy.
Also, I’m not doing it with any sort of strategy, just finding people organically I energetically trust would be fun to have on the podcast in the (nearish) future to have a guest. Is that something you might be into?
Errrrrrr like a MILLION times yes! Would absolutely love to feature Cait, thanks so much for thinking of me 🙏
And I hear you, I hear everything you’re saying so hard, I’ve been there and I’ve felt it. The resentment, the asking for the same and the absolute sadness that comes from not ever receiving it. BUT as much as boundaries are so important, I would say — your people, the ones who are made to walk with you will NEVER take advantage of your kindness like that 🧡
There are so many things to me to unpack while I listened to your words, I don't even know where to start...but thank you so much, for being you and for everything...
This gave me goosebumps, thank you Hedera for never hesitating to lift me up. It means the world. I’m so glad it’s resonated ❤️
♥️💮 I rather than you so much for being so real, and help me in this mess of mine 🌹
Oof. Being so used to thinking about what other people need that we forget to check in with ourselves- kids. Kids do this to a person. lol
Yesss!!! Exactly.
So. Good. Boundaries are so unclear to so many people. I love the distinction that they are not meant to control something we are just uncomfortable with!
Thank you! Yes! It took me years of listening to people put barbed wire around other people’s behavior to realize that control is fragility disguised as safety!
So insightful!!! Shared with a few people because of this piece specifically!
Thanks Bri!
Of course!!!
Love this girly 🙌
I hold so many boundaries that I’ve never even voiced, as far as I’m concerned they’re for me, for my peace. I don’t feel the need for everyone else to explain my inner workings or maybe I will voice it once, not as a threat but as a statement.
We hold boundaries for US, so we know when to step away or stop doing something. People get a bit caught up in having to voice them and that’s where that ick feeling comes in but sometimes you get to just step away without a 2 page essay as to why, you get to choose and that’s the beauty of this crazy little thing called life 🧡
Yes! I feel like the over-explaining tendencies for my ADHD outwardly processing brain automatically would dive into feeling the need to justify why it needed to be a type of way for me for so long. Like making sure people knew my boundaries weren’t about them specifically.
Then I really started to recognize the emotional labor of this. So when I stopped, I noticed how people then expected the explanation and when I stopped doing that part too… people left. It was hard but the de-conditioning was the best thing for me in the end.
Oh absolutely. No, I can’t, I don’t want to — all whole sentences. I so get you and it’s not easy but on the other side of that, I respect it so much when people voice what they need. Even if I don’t fully love it, I always think.. yeah I really respect that you know who you are and you own that.
And you KNOW the ones who don’t take it well and don’t respect the boundaries, are always the ones who dined off you not having any 😏
EXACTLY. Then not to mention having to unpack the low-key resentment that came up from my realization that I was putting so much thoughtful effort into this dynamic and they couldn’t even be bothered to when it came down to it. Which, obviously, has to be looked at in the mirror because I have a huge role in how that all snowballed. No judgement, no shame, but damn it’s a doozy.
Also, I’m not doing it with any sort of strategy, just finding people organically I energetically trust would be fun to have on the podcast in the (nearish) future to have a guest. Is that something you might be into?
Errrrrrr like a MILLION times yes! Would absolutely love to feature Cait, thanks so much for thinking of me 🙏
And I hear you, I hear everything you’re saying so hard, I’ve been there and I’ve felt it. The resentment, the asking for the same and the absolute sadness that comes from not ever receiving it. BUT as much as boundaries are so important, I would say — your people, the ones who are made to walk with you will NEVER take advantage of your kindness like that 🧡