The Truth About Boundaries (It’s Not Just Saying No)
AKA why you still feel like an asshole even when you're protecting your peace.
You know that moment when you finally say “no”?
Like, a real no. A no with your full chest.
And instead of feeling empowered… you feel like you just ran over someone’s dog?
Yeah. That.
In this week’s episode of Chronically Over It, we’re pulling the curtain back on boundaries. Not the Pinterest-quote, affirmation-filled kind. The real kind—the ones that feel awkward, confronting, and sometimes leave you spiraling with guilt even though you know you did the right thing.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth:
Saying no isn’t the boundary.
It’s the expression of one.
A boundary doesn’t exist until it’s upheld—and that’s the part no one warns you about. Setting the line is easy. Holding it? That’s where things get spicy.
In this episode, I break down:
Why most boundaries fail (hint: they’re set too late)
The difference between setting a boundary and trying to control someone else's behavior
What “pre-decided no’s” are and how they’ve saved my nervous system
The identity shift that happens when you stop being everyone’s emotional support animal
How to hold your line even when your voice shakes, your stomach drops, and the people around you don’t get it
And yeah… we talk about the grief, too.
Because boundary work isn’t just about feeling more confident or being a “badass.”
It’s about reclaiming energy, space, and self-respect.
And that often means losing roles, dynamics, or even people who were benefitting from you not having any.
But you know what you gain?
Time.
Peace.
Integrity.
Self-trust.
When I set boundaries this past year—real ones—I watched some friendships fade. Not because I stopped loving those people, but because I stopped abandoning myself to make them comfortable. And while it hurt like hell, it was also the moment I started rebuilding a relationship with the one person I’m stuck with for life: me.
This episode is for you if:
You feel guilty every time you say no
You keep setting boundaries, but nothing changes
You’re emotionally intelligent, slightly codependent, and tired of being “the strong one”
You’re ready to stop overexplaining and start choosing what actually feels right for you
This one’s a little longer, a little deeper, and very necessary.
Because I’m over the fluffy boundary advice.
We’re grown. We’ve got shit to do.
And no one tells you this—but protecting your peace often doesn’t feel peaceful at first.
It feels like change.
And change is messy.
But if you're here, you're probably ready for the mess and the freedom on the other side of it.
Okay, talk to you later. Love you, bye.
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